God has been bringing to mind an old friend of mine. I’ve had a good friend since freshman year of college called M. We met during freshman orientation, since we lived in the same dorm. We bonded over Sims, even though he made one of my families polygamous. >_< Since then we’ve been really close, along with our “clique” or group of 4 other friends.
Even after college, we stayed really close. When he and another friend from our group found jobs in DC, I wanted to go there too (I did end up living & working in DC for about a year). I moved back to Atlanta, and he later moved back as well for work & school. We were inseparable, until December 2009.
M was very close to his family, in particular his father. However, his father unexpectedly passed away in December of 2009. M was devastated. His rock and cheerleader was gone, and M’s world fell apart. Our group of friends tried our best to support & console him. But M decided he didn’t want anything to do with us anymore. He cut off all ties with our close group of friends.
I tried to get to him through his mother, through other mutual friends he still talked to, through facebook stalking (though he was very good at not revealing much on facebook). However, M slowly cut off all my venues of getting to him. M moved up north for grad school in 2010, and I haven’t heard from him since.
I had a vivid dream about M last week. I dreamt that I saw him again after almost 3 years. I went to a meeting with friends. And M was at the same meeting. I tried to hide my face so that he wouldn’t see me and run away. But eventually he did see me, and got up to walk out of the big room. I got up immediately and went out a different door to try to intersect him. I ran out to him in the hallway. When I caught up, I just grabbed the front of his shirt and began to cry. M tried to stay unemotional, but I could tell there were conflicting feelings fighting inside of him.
I feel like this is probably not too far off from what would actually happen if I saw him randomly somewhere. The topic of forgiveness has been coming to mind a lot recently in relation to M. I feel like I need to continue to forgive him in my heart for leaving us. Not just once or even 20 times, but continuously remembering to forgive. Like Jesus did for us…
Old heart wounds don’t heal easily. But I still hold onto hope. I still pray for M. I learn to forgive him, over and over again. I pray that M will one day find peace that can only come from Jesus.
"Un"traditional Asian 